Homosexuality - Part 2

A khanda against the gay pride flag; an image used by an

online forum for 'lesbian gay, bisexual and transgendered sikhs'

(This is the second of a two part article - Part 1 can be found here)

Homosexuality is not directly dealt with by The Satguroo anywhere within GurbaaNee. The reason being that The Satguroo deals with the root issue - not the trunk, branches, twigs, leaves or fruit. Always remember that The Satguroo addresses the source, not the implications or extensions of a given issue. This is why The Satguroo does not provide us with a great big list of do’s and don’ts. There is no need to shoot the little space-ships if you cancel-out the mother-ship! Deal with the essence and the rest automatically gets taken care of.

Lust (kaam) is an essential urge which drives the world to hunger for the most fleeting of physical pleasures, no matter how badly this pursuit compromises us. It’s one of the five thieves (panj choor) which constantly rob us of our spiritual equipoise. These are the five overarching tendencies which separate us from merger with Vaheguroo, from Enlightenment: lust (kaam), anger (krodh), greed (lobh), attachment (moh) and ego (ahankaar). Interestingly, lust is often described by gursikhs as the most powerful:

ਹੇਕਾਮੰਨਰਕਬਿਸ੍ਰਾਮੰਬਹੁਜੋਨੀਭ੍ਰਮਾਵਣਹ ॥

hae kaama(n) narak bisraama(n) bahu jonee bhramaavaneh

O sexual desire, you lead the mortals to hell; you make them wander in reincarnation through countless species.

ਚਿਤਹਰਣੰਤ੍ਰੈਲੋਕਗੰਮ੍ਹੰਜਪਤਪਸੀਲਬਿਦਾਰਣਹ ॥

chith harana(n) thrai lok ga(n)mya(n) jap thap seel bidhaaraneh

You cheat the consciousness, and pervade the three worlds. You destroy meditation, penance and virtue.

ਅਲਪਸੁਖਅਵਿਤਚੰਚਲਊਚਨੀਚਸਮਾਵਣਹ ॥

alap sukh avith cha(n)chal ooch neech samaavaneh

But you give only shallow pleasure, while you make the mortals weak and unsteady; you pervade the high and the low.

Ang 1358

But what of the vast majority of us, heterosexuals, homosexuals and bisexuals who live our lives as single, boyfriends, girlfriends and spouses? Is lust something which we’ve managed to control and normalise through these relationships, these social constructs? Have we somehow assimilated lust into our lives and thereby controlled it or contained it? Can we lead a spiritual life whilst indulging in it or even just actively thinking about it?

The first thing to note is that lust even impacts upon those who do not partake in it – and most probably, to a greater extent. Remember it’s not just an action – it’s a thought-process. Even if we try to actively suppress it, it festers away, merely pushed out of sight...always using it’s down-time to make itself more and more stronger. Even the celibates and the renunciates who walked away from it found it burning in their hearts, like an ember ready to be reignited at the behest of even the slightest breeze.

The second thing to note is that according to The Satguroo’s Teachings, lust can only be overcome when one has merged with The One who is beyond all desires. In order to help us realise this lofty objective, The Satguroo has promoted grishtee-jeevan (a householder’s lifestyle), which revolves around a married heterosexual couple who have children, work for a living and advance spiritually. This enables Sikhs to slowly begin the process of neutralising lust by focussing it upon only one individual, in a stable, controlled and mature set of circumstances. Bhai Gurdaas Jee describes this philosophy thus:

ਏਕਾ ਨਾਰੀ ਜਤੀ ਹੋਇ ਪਰ ਨਾਰੀ ਧੀ ਭੈਣ ਵਖਾਣੈ॥

eaekaa naaree jathee hoe par naaree dhee bhain vakhaanai

Having one women as wife he (the Sikh) is a celibate and considers any other's wife his daughter or a sister.

Panna 6 - Bhai Gurdaas Jee’s Vaaraa(n)

What about having partners outside of marriage? Well they introduce instability, they chop and change and come and go. That’s perfect fodder for lust, which will simply envelop us more, thanks to such unstable circumstances - ever heard of 'rebound relationships' where people just sleep with someone to get over breaking-up with someone else? So as far as sexual relationships go, it's clear that for sikhs they should only exist within a marriage.

There have been some very prominent and very spiritual gursikhs who did not marry e.g. Bhai Gurdaas Jee, Sant Attar Singh Jee, Baba Nand Singh Jee etc. The common factor between them is that they were very committed gursikhs who had been blessed with major responsibilities by The Satguroo, and had decided to focus upon a life of intense spiritual practice and selfless service. They represent the exception, not the rule.

Despite effectively being celibate, Baba Nand Singh is reputed to have said that the fruits of naam simran (meditation upon Vaheguroo) achieved by a celibate person in 11 years are achieved by a married person in one day. I think he was trying to explain that by being married, and still focussing upon Vaheguroo, an individual is rewarded greatly and finds it easier to negotiate the pitfalls that lust throws in front of them. It’s as though they take the more difficult option and still succeed.

As such the married person, if they are blessed, will come to realise that the sexual act between a man and woman is simply to produce children, to procreate, and that the illusion of separateness, of ego, of maya (illusion), previously led them to accept lust as love. A person cannot harmonise with Vaheguroo until they discard all the temporary pleasures of lust, delicious foods, the latest fashions etc. The Satguroo makes clear that until these ‘tastes’, these pleasures, are relinquished, the spiritually-saturated taste of Naam and it’s amazing properties (which is a whole other ball-park!) cannot be savoured:

ਪ੍ਰੀਤਿਬਿਨਾਕੈਸੇਬਧੈਸਨੇਹੁ ॥

preeth binaa kaisae badhai sanaehu

Without love, how can one's affection increase?

ਜਬਲਗੁਰਸੁਤਬਲਗੁਨਹੀਨੇਹੁ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥

jab lag ras thab lag nehee naehu 1 rehaao

As long as there is attachment to pleasure, there can be no spiritual love. 1Pause

Ang 328

So where does that leave those brothers and sisters of ours who are homosexual and wish to have a sexual relationship within marriage? Well, with a big problem because such a relationship does not have the potential to lead to a realisation that lust is only non-destructive when it comes to reproduction – their sexual act will always be for physical pleasure. They cannot have an anand kaaraj (become married in the eyes of The Satguroo) because as the laavaa(n) (related verses) make clear the aim of the anand kaaraj is to merge with Vaheguroo and this cannot be achieved by people who enter the institution of marriage knowing that their forthcoming relationship will not ultimately enable them to realise that lust's only useful purpose is procreation.

The laavaa(n) depict the stages that the gursikh spiritualist passes through and culminate by describing the point at which merger with Vaheguroo, their True Husband, occurs. These verses are actually using the male/female metaphor that the institution of marriage affords in order to remind those soul-brides (suhaagan) entering marriage to understand who their real spouse actually is and in doing so, indirectly highlight that this new relationship which will most probably have a sexual component is not the True Union that the soul (atma) actually hungers for. The relationship between two physical bodies will always remain impermanent as opposed to the relationship between the soul-bride and her Eternal Husband (us and Vaheguroo). Here's how the laavaa(n) end:

ਹਰਿਪ੍ਰਭਿਠਾਕੁਰਿਕਾਜੁਰਚਾਇਆਧਨਹਿਰਦੈਨਾਮਿਵਿਗਾਸੀ ॥

har prabh thaakur kaaj rachaaeiaa dhan hiradhai naam vigaasee

The Lord God, my Lord and Master, blends with His bride, and her heart blossoms forth in the Naam.

ਜਨੁਨਾਨਕੁਬੋਲੇਚਉਥੀਲਾਵੈਹਰਿਪਾਇਆਪ੍ਰਭੁਅਵਿਨਾਸੀ ॥੪॥੨॥

jan naanak bolae chouthee laavai har paaeiaa prabh avinaasee 42

Servant Nanak proclaims that, in this, the fourth round of the marriage ceremony, we have found the Eternal Lord God. 42

Ang 774

Just like the heterosexual who thinks that lust has been mastered through marriage, the homosexual will also miss the truth. However for the heterosexual married person, if they are blessed with Perfect Destiny, there is the potential for lust to be defeated. The pleasure it affords will seem pale and insignificant, it will seem insipid, compared to the True Pleasure that meditation upon Vaheguroo affords.

So let’s go and tell all our misguided brothers and sisters to stop being gay and to marry a member of the opposite sex and progress spiritually via grishtee-jeevan right? Well perhaps it isn’t as simple as that. Many scientists believe that homosexuality is related to one’s genetic disposition and is not a learned behaviour. In other words gays are born that way. So how can someone who feels they cannot stop being gay start to live according to The Satguroo’s teachings?

Every single one of our tendencies and behaviour patterns are related to our previous actions and current actions; our karam. If people are born as homosexuals then this is simply their destiny – their previous actions, whatever they were, have led to this. We are all in the same boat. We have taken birth because the account of our previous actions meant that we were not spiritually-capable of merging into Vaheguroo.

If your homosexuality is something which cannot be changed, and you feel unable to marry a member of the opposite sex, then you would have to remain celibate – easier said than done I know, but the only logical approach. Such a person who masters lust, regardless of their ‘sexual orientation, would surely merge into Vaheguroo, The Desire-less:

ਆਸਾਮਨਸਾਸਗਲਤਿਆਗੈਜਗਤੇਰਹੈਨਿਰਾਸਾ ॥

aasaa manasaa sagal thiaagai jag thae rehai niraasaa

who renounces all hopes and desires and remains desireless in the world;

ਕਾਮੁਕ੍ਰੋਧੁਜਿਹਪਰਸੈਨਾਹਨਿਤਿਹਘਟਿਬ੍ਰਹਮੁਨਿਵਾਸਾ ॥੨॥

kaam krodh jih parasai naahan thih ghatt breham nivaasaa 2

who is not touched by sexual desire or anger - within his heart, Vaheguroo dwells. 2

Ang 633

Sikhee is a Path which points us towards the absolute pinnacle of spiritual realisation so naturally it’s a given that it will not be successfully traversed by many. Those who master lust, the gurmukhs that The Satguroo often talks about, are very rare. Perhaps one amongst thousands or even tens of thousands. And just in case you are wondering, I am certainly not one of them.

I do not speak on behalf of other sikhs, let alone The Satguroo. I know that many gursikhs will probably not share my views. But that is fine, because we must all treat our conversation with The Satguroo as something special and unique. What I will say is that there is certainly no need to stone or kill homosexuals, there is no need to hate, avoid or reject them or tell them that Vaheguroo is their enemy. There is no need to keep thinking about their sexual persuasion when we talk, laugh and spend time with them, when we shake their hand or bump into them. A gursikh could never indulge in any such destructive behaviour - quite the opposite in fact:

ਸਭਨਾਮਨਮਾਣਿਕਠਾਹਣੁਮੂਲਿਮਚਾਂਗਵਾ ॥

sabhanaa man maanik thaahan mool machaagavaa

The minds of all are like precious jewels; to harm them is not good at all.

ਜੇਤਉਪਿਰੀਆਦੀਸਿਕਹਿਆਉਨਠਾਹੇਕਹੀਦਾ ॥੧੩੦॥

jae tho pireeaa dhee sik hiaao n thaahae kehee dhaa 130

If you desire your Beloved, then do not break anyone's heart. 130

Ang 1384

So let’s end on this note - the fact that no matter what someone’s sexual persuasion, GurbaaNee does not advocate any kind of judgement, hatred or punishment. We are commanded to love all unconditionally. Neither should we brutishly force our interpretations of GurbaaNee upon others - when requested or sincerely motivated, we should simply assist anyone and everyone to make their own direct connection with The Satguroo, and to find Spiritual Truth themselves.

( ( ( :- ) >>> Atma Singh